Virginia Run for the Fallen. My brother. Our Hero

One week ago today a run took place that started in Fort Story, Virginia (day 1) and went to Arlington National Cemetery (day 4). It was put on by Honor and Remember, done by a team of 18 runners and countless volunteers that helped along the way. It was an amazing sight to see and our family was proud to be there at mile 44 to welcome the runners to Paul's marker. As we stood at Paul's marker, waiting for the runners, vehicles and traffic to make their way to us, we stood there with honor and in awe. To this day, it is still so hard to think that we are now a Gold Star Family, that we no longer have my brother, that he gave the ultimate sacrifce and that we will never see him again. We are now one of "those" familes. However, the support of so many people and the caring by complete strangers makes us carry our loss with pride and with honor. Paul was and is a hero. He will forever remain in our hearts and we will never forget what he gave so that every single person in this country can live in the land of the free.  So when all those people sitting in their cars, stuck in traffic, mad they were late to an event, dinner, or outing... I was glad. Glad they had to actually acknowledge that these men and women were running for our fallen soliders, that these soldiers wouldn't ever get to be late to anything again, would miss their children growing up and there will always be an empty seat during family dinners.  I was glad the traffic went on for miles and miles... for each and every hero. Thank you to the runners who ran 236 miles for all the Virginia Fallen. We are grateful for the awareness you helped bring to the heroes of our country. Thank you!!! 

Freedom truly is not free... my brother paid for it.

Sad and Pathetic... Scamming our falling soldiers.

I'm going to share with you the sad news of the world. You have probably read this online or seen this on T.V, but this happens and it has happened to my family and to my brother and to so many other military families that I know. I feel it's important that you share it and spread the news please.

The identity of my brother, his photo, his information and his death has been used to get girls, to get money and Lord knows what other awful stuff. It's beyond sickening and heartbreaking. I know all of you who follow me and read up on my blog, know that my brother is a wonderful man who was loved, is loved and beyond missed. To have his photos taken to scam women into sending money... there are no words for it. This stuff does happen. It has happened to us and to him. If you think it's not real... here is an example of a dating site that STILL has his info up!!!

http://www.confirio.com/id/414900

There is no way to follow who has what or who has stolen what. The internet is a big big world and in this big big world are horrible horrible people. Please DO NOT send any money to someone who is claiming to be a U.S Army soldier, marine or anything of the sort. ONLY send to a legit non-profit!! If you happen to see my brother's photo flying around that has nothing to do with the Dumont/Oatman name or family, PLEASE email me or facebook me. We do our best to stop this... to bring the photos and information down. When you send money, however, there is NOTHING we can do... NOTHING, so don't do it!!

Not sure if you are falling for this scam... read this!!
ARE YOU FALLING FOR A DATING SCAM?

It's sad that I had to even write about this. The families of the fallen have been through enough and dealing with stolen information and images that pertain to their loved one is beyond acceptable. Unfortunately, cyperspace is much bigger than any of us and when something is on the internet it can be stolen, shared and viewed by just about anyone. Even if we didn't post the photos, someone else could and that is out of our control. (copyright is a whole different topic) It's part of the world we live in now and it's just sad that others would stoop to something so low. All we ask.... tell others to NOT send money and fall for this scam. Thank you...

time

I'm just gonna throw this out there. Time does NOT heal all wounds. I know, I know... but, the saying says that "time is the healer of all things", so I must be wrong, right? Wrong! I am so tired of hearing, "give it time, it will get better" or "in time, things will get easier" or blah, blah, blah. Did you know that my brother left this earth exactly 1131 days ago? Today is no easier dealing with his loss than on the day we found out. Yes, the shock is not there anymore, however, the pain is just as deep. If anything, other pains and problems have actually formed because of his death. These are problems that not many people would understand so I won't be getting into those.

I really don't think that time is the healer in the situation of death. It may be to those whose relationship with the person who went to heaven wasn't as deep, close, tight, etc. But to those whose loss can not even be put into words, time has not healed anything. I actually think that people "think" time heals because we get better at hiding the pain, hiding the feelings, and hiding the loss. People don't want to keep hearing about "the loss" or seeing you cry. They want you to go back to the person you were before your heart was ripped from your body, thrown on the ground and stomped on. So explain then how will I ever be who I was before those tragic events happened? I won't. Simple as that. We are shaped by the events that happen in our life.. happy or sad. Is it wrong to miss our loved ones beyond belief when we wake up every single day with the reality of knowing we will never see them on this earth again? Heck NO!! And this is where our friends begin to change. I'm pretty sure I have friends who have maybe blocked me, deleted me, rolled their eyes, or ignored me. You know what though? I don't care. I simply just don't care. I don't care that others may think "I won't move on" , " get over it", or "be healed". I know who my good friends are. The ones that are caring, understanding and who have been there. I know who it is that writes to ask how I'm doing or calls to check in on me. And then I have my new friends. The friends who know exactly what I'm going through. The friends who read my posts and blogs and cry along with me because they know the loss all too well. Time has not healed our pain.

This whole time healing thing also goes along with the attitude and misconception of others in their phrase of "it's been 3 years, shouldn't you be over this?" Excuse me, I didn't lose a goldfish. I lost a loving, caring, amazing, hilarious brother. Someone who I knew my entire life, shared secrets and dreams with, got in trouble with and who became a best friend. I lost a lot the day he died and it's not until days and months later you realize just how much you lost. It might not actually even be until years later that the reality actually sets in.. no more phone calls - EVER, no more crazy moments -EVER, no more laughing so hard you fall off the couch - EVER, no more memories with him - EVER... EVER... EVER!!!! Time will not heal these wounds... EVER. He still lives because we are not afraid to speak his name, bring up the great memories, cry over the loss and share his life and legacy with so many others. He lives because we allow him to live ... through us.

To be honest, I don't want time to heal a thing. It gives me the passion to share his name, his love and his life. Even writing this does the pain of missing him no justice. It actually can't even be put into words. We try to explain the loss and the pain but it's like it simply can't be done.. that's how much I miss him. I miss him in ways that just can not be conveyed. Time is not a healer in everything.

I can feel him.

September 19 was my brother's (Paul) birthday. We spent the morning with him at Arlington, enjoyed some cupcakes and just sat among the heroes. "His" days are some of my favorite. why?, well because they are his days and everyone recognizes that. As a family, we recognize him every single day but most others do not and on "his" days they do. It's a good feeling and he deserves that attention. He is missed beyond belief. 

When we got home later that day, my husband and I had some bread and dip. Paul loved the Cheese Shop dip and we have it quite often but we always have it on "his" days. We sat outside, had a drink, and I watched the leaves on the trees blow. I love the wind. The wind is something that can not be seen. You can feel the wind as it blows through your hair and you can see the affect of the wind as it moves through the trees and yet you can't actually see it. Even though you can't physically see it, you still know that it's there. That is exactly how I feel about Paul. I can't see him, however, I can feel his spirit all around me and I can see the affect he has had on so many others as well as myself. When I feel the wind.. I think of him. He will forever be with me, no matter where I go. 

"Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1

That day. August 19, 2009

"That day" is here. The day we dread each and every year. The day that ruined our lives. The day that will never be forgotten. The day my brother died. And I know that this is my photography site but it's also "my life" site and this event has impacted me in a way that will forever alter my future. Therefore, my photography and the way in which I view things has also been impacted.

Time is a funny thing. In some ways I think, how can 3 years have gone by? How can I have made it this far when I never wanted to go on. How is my daughter going to be 3 already? And in other ways, it's like it was yesterday. When people say, "well, it's already been 3 years, you should be over it by now." Oh really? To be honest.. I want to slap them. It's only been 3 years and on top of that, to set the record straight, I will never get over this and I will never move on. What makes this so hard is that so many people forget that we are grieving, they forget we are crying, they forget we are lost, they forget he is gone, and they forget that we have a piece missing that will never be filled. He is my baby brother. He is missed. He is loved and I will not let his name become a distant thought. Rather, I will live my days to honor him, to make sure his name is spoken often and for others to never forget. It's the least we can do considering he died for you and for me.

Paul had a heart of gold. He would help you in a second. He would drop what ever it was he was doing to make sure you were taken care of. When a death is labeled non-combat, many people think it wasn't as heroic at those who died in the field. That's not true. Any soldier who died while fighting for our country is a hero. When Paul's death was labeled this way, many people had all kinds of ideas as to how he was killed. I went ahead and let them think whatever it was they thought. And then I began to think about it more myself. Paul was not shot, he didn't step on an IED, he was not in a firefight. However, he was and is a hero. Because he had a heart of gold, he took over doing someone else's job and in return.. it killed him. He was a mechanic which meant working on big vehicles being hoisted in the air by chains. He stepped up, took over the job and then he went to heaven. He had been crushed when the chains snapped. My heroic little brother, gone way too soon.

He loved life. He loved having fun and he loved the people in it. His personality is missed at each gathering, at each holiday and on every weekend. The problem with our society is that people don't want you to grieve. They want you to "get better" as soon as you can so you can be the person you where before the life changing event. God put him in our life for a reason. I am blessed to have been his sister for 24 years. I'm not going to get over that. I will, however, live my life in a way that others will remember him. If I can be happy camping and doing things he loved, then I feel that I am carrying him along side me. I will speak his name and I will talk of him often. That is how special he was to me. There will be no more photos and no more new memories created with him. I cling to what I have and talk about the past because it makes me feel as though he is in present.

So on this 3 years. We honor him. We live in a way that would make him proud. We never forget and we continue to go day by day as a family. As he would say... We need to soldier up. I will never leave him behind but rather walk with him side by side until the day we meet again.

Sgt Paul Dumont Jr. 

Sept 19, 1985 - Aug 19, 2009

Loving son, brother, husband, uncle and friend to many 

2 Tim 4:6-8 NIV For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time for my departure is near. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.