Tuesday, May 17, 2011

"That" time.

We are coming upon "THAT" time. The time that leads from Memorial Weekend into his 2 year anniversary, followed by the 2 mark and then ends with his birthday. A time that is hard on all of us. After Memorial weekend we have a gap before the others all fall back to back. These two time frames are "his" days. I like to do nothing else but honor him, even though I try and do this every single day. He deserves it and it's my honor to do so.

Memorial Day Weekend is a little different now. Ok, I take that back. It's ALOT different. It used to be the kick off to summer. The schools let out and vacations started. We were once there, like so many families in America. NOW, not so much. It has a whole new meaning and I wish I would have been aware of this sooner but I wasn't. The point is that now I do and it's not the same anymore. No happy kick off to the summer going on here. Rather, it's looked upon as a time that numerous Gold Star Families and I are doing the same thing. We are honoring those who have been killed in war. Memorial Weekend is now Paul's weekend and I look forward to it. It means that the entire nation is remembering. I know that not everyone is actually thinking about those who have been killed, but there are so many who are. And even if its just for one day, it means that it's not just my family and I mourning his loss. Thousands upon thousands will be at Arlington on Memorial Day. It's a zoo I tell ya, but it's so worth it. To see all these people honoring and remembering makes me so happy. To know that we are all there for the same reason. To NEVER FORGET! These were all men and women with families and stories. They had lives, they had jobs, they had kids, wives and husbands. No one ever wants their loved one to be forgotten and it feels so good to know that for just a day the nation is recognizing all of them. I love that part of it.

I mourn Paul's loss each and every day. It will be two years on Aug. 19. Two whole years without my brother in my life. How can that be? How could I have made it without him and how am I making it still? He played such an important role in our family. He was the comedian and we thrived off of that. He was the glue that bonded the older children to the younger ones. His jokes had us rolling on the floor with laughter. He was never serious and always lit up the room with his smile. Everyone knew that when Paul came over it was ALL over... for real! Our family is different. Growing up, it was just our family. No cousins coming over, no grandparents stopping by and no aunts and uncles. It was always US. Our "little" family of 6 that went to 8 and then finally to 9. It was our norm. Each one of us played some kind of part in the Dumont household. We feel his void at every BBQ, family gathering, and with each and every holiday. We miss it and we miss him. Not a day goes by that I'm not thinking about him. And I'm not saying that a thought just goes through my head. I'm saying that I think of him for minutes on end, numerous times throughout the day. It's impacted my life and it's changed who I am and who I have become. I'm not the same person nor will I ever be. At times it really is the promise of the Lord that gets me through. That promise of knowing that I will be reunited with him. It's a day that I eventually look forward to and will welcome with open arms. I know that he is safe, happy and in the arms of our Savior. It doesn't take away my pain or the suffering I am feeling, but it does make it a tad bit easier knowing that when this life is over I'll spend an eternity with him.

So on this Memorial Day remember those who have given their lives for our freedom, the families they left behind and the blessings we have by living in this country. For we are the land of the FREE only because of those who were and are BRAVE!!

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