Virginia Run for the Fallen. My brother. Our Hero

One week ago today a run took place that started in Fort Story, Virginia (day 1) and went to Arlington National Cemetery (day 4). It was put on by Honor and Remember, done by a team of 18 runners and countless volunteers that helped along the way. It was an amazing sight to see and our family was proud to be there at mile 44 to welcome the runners to Paul's marker. As we stood at Paul's marker, waiting for the runners, vehicles and traffic to make their way to us, we stood there with honor and in awe. To this day, it is still so hard to think that we are now a Gold Star Family, that we no longer have my brother, that he gave the ultimate sacrifce and that we will never see him again. We are now one of "those" familes. However, the support of so many people and the caring by complete strangers makes us carry our loss with pride and with honor. Paul was and is a hero. He will forever remain in our hearts and we will never forget what he gave so that every single person in this country can live in the land of the free.  So when all those people sitting in their cars, stuck in traffic, mad they were late to an event, dinner, or outing... I was glad. Glad they had to actually acknowledge that these men and women were running for our fallen soliders, that these soldiers wouldn't ever get to be late to anything again, would miss their children growing up and there will always be an empty seat during family dinners.  I was glad the traffic went on for miles and miles... for each and every hero. Thank you to the runners who ran 236 miles for all the Virginia Fallen. We are grateful for the awareness you helped bring to the heroes of our country. Thank you!!! 

Freedom truly is not free... my brother paid for it.

time

I'm just gonna throw this out there. Time does NOT heal all wounds. I know, I know... but, the saying says that "time is the healer of all things", so I must be wrong, right? Wrong! I am so tired of hearing, "give it time, it will get better" or "in time, things will get easier" or blah, blah, blah. Did you know that my brother left this earth exactly 1131 days ago? Today is no easier dealing with his loss than on the day we found out. Yes, the shock is not there anymore, however, the pain is just as deep. If anything, other pains and problems have actually formed because of his death. These are problems that not many people would understand so I won't be getting into those.

I really don't think that time is the healer in the situation of death. It may be to those whose relationship with the person who went to heaven wasn't as deep, close, tight, etc. But to those whose loss can not even be put into words, time has not healed anything. I actually think that people "think" time heals because we get better at hiding the pain, hiding the feelings, and hiding the loss. People don't want to keep hearing about "the loss" or seeing you cry. They want you to go back to the person you were before your heart was ripped from your body, thrown on the ground and stomped on. So explain then how will I ever be who I was before those tragic events happened? I won't. Simple as that. We are shaped by the events that happen in our life.. happy or sad. Is it wrong to miss our loved ones beyond belief when we wake up every single day with the reality of knowing we will never see them on this earth again? Heck NO!! And this is where our friends begin to change. I'm pretty sure I have friends who have maybe blocked me, deleted me, rolled their eyes, or ignored me. You know what though? I don't care. I simply just don't care. I don't care that others may think "I won't move on" , " get over it", or "be healed". I know who my good friends are. The ones that are caring, understanding and who have been there. I know who it is that writes to ask how I'm doing or calls to check in on me. And then I have my new friends. The friends who know exactly what I'm going through. The friends who read my posts and blogs and cry along with me because they know the loss all too well. Time has not healed our pain.

This whole time healing thing also goes along with the attitude and misconception of others in their phrase of "it's been 3 years, shouldn't you be over this?" Excuse me, I didn't lose a goldfish. I lost a loving, caring, amazing, hilarious brother. Someone who I knew my entire life, shared secrets and dreams with, got in trouble with and who became a best friend. I lost a lot the day he died and it's not until days and months later you realize just how much you lost. It might not actually even be until years later that the reality actually sets in.. no more phone calls - EVER, no more crazy moments -EVER, no more laughing so hard you fall off the couch - EVER, no more memories with him - EVER... EVER... EVER!!!! Time will not heal these wounds... EVER. He still lives because we are not afraid to speak his name, bring up the great memories, cry over the loss and share his life and legacy with so many others. He lives because we allow him to live ... through us.

To be honest, I don't want time to heal a thing. It gives me the passion to share his name, his love and his life. Even writing this does the pain of missing him no justice. It actually can't even be put into words. We try to explain the loss and the pain but it's like it simply can't be done.. that's how much I miss him. I miss him in ways that just can not be conveyed. Time is not a healer in everything.

Iphone wallpapers

I've been wanting some new iphone wallpaper as my background so I decided to create some of my own and share a couple with you. As you all know, my brother, Sgt Paul Dumont Jr was killed while serving in Afghanistan on Aug. 19, 2009. He too was an artist and liked to draw. He spent alot of his time over in the middle east drawing to pass the time away. We would send him drawing books, pencils, markers and pens. We used to talk quite often about our art work. I miss that. 

These first two backgrounds were designed using his drawings. He drew the cross and the hibiscus flower and I added the color and backgrounds. The third one is a photo of the cross from his headstone in Arlington and the fourth image is of the American Flag flying proudly at Arlington as well. When you use any of these, just know that you are remembering a hero and always honoring our fallen. 

To get the image, just click on it and drag to your desktop. Should work like a charm. Enjoy. 

Veteran's Day... Give thanks

First off, this is going to be a long post. So prepare yourself. It's important and it's near and dear to my heart. I'd like to first share an online auction that is going on today. It starts today and ends on the 19th at 9pm. All the proceeds from the sales of the auction go straight to the playground being built in memory of my loving brother. We are getting closer to being done but still have about $15,000 left to raise. Please go take a took at the awesome items and share the link with everyone and anyone you know! We would all greatly appreciate it! The link can be found HERE!

Since today is Veteran's Day I just wanted to state that above and beyond anything else, we should always be thankful for our military. For without them, we would not be the country we are today. They have defended us, fought for us, and died for us. They go to war not knowing if they will get the chance to come back home and they do this for such little pay. They are proud, they are fierce, and they are brave.

I have been a military brat since I was born. My dad served his entire career in the Army. We moved quite often and it was all I knew, but I actually liked it. I had the chance to meet knew friends all the time and some I still keep in touch with. It was a life I wouldn't trade. I also come from a long line of family who have served this great nation. My grandpa served, my uncles served, my counsins served, my sister served, my husband now serves and my brother served. However, my brother died while fighting for this country and it's a loss that can never be replaced. We need to always honor and remember those who have paid the ultimate sacrifice because way to many of them have gone before their time. They leave behind children, wives, parents, siblings, husbands and friends.

This veteran's day I want to recognize some of the clients I have had the privilage to shoot who have served and still do serve this amazing country. Take a look at these families and give them THANKS. They make up who we are, the freedoms we have and the rights we continue to keep.

I would also like to thank my loving husband. He joined the military at a time when we were at war and most of all, he joined the military right after my brother was killed. He did it for our family, he did it for our country and he did it to honor his brother in-law. He is an amazing father, a wonderful husband and just and all around great person. He supports us and loves us more than anything else in his life. He truly is my other half and stole my heart when he said "I do" 9 years ago. I love him!

I also want to thank the Gold Star Community that I have come to know. They have given me hope, they have stood by my side and they have become the foundation on which I stand. They understand my pain, my loss and the reason I honor my brother. Take a look at these HEROES who have paid the ultimate sacrifice. I am friends with all of their loved ones who mourn their HERO'S loss. Each of these men and women paid the ultimate sacrifice for yours and my freedom. This is not to be taken lightly. They are the heart of this country and we will NEVER FORGET!! 

THANK YOU to ALL who serve! Our thanks is NEVER enough!

I miss him.

He didn't plan on being a hero, but that's what he became. He was an amazing brother. He was fun and crazy and loving. He was everything you hoped a sibling would be. He helped us to take life less serious. We had the same outlook on a lot of things, with humor being the main similarity. We laughed at a lot and he laughed at me often. Growing up with him was fun and I wouldn't trade any of it for anything. I miss him being here every single day. People think you get over it, you move on and that life just continues. Well it does continue and that's not a choice. 3 years have gone by and he was and is thought of on every single day. I'm not over it. He drives me during my runs, I think of him when I drive, I laugh at the many wild memories and I cry because my heart still hurts from never being able to see him again on this earth. Today he would be 27. Today we would most likely be BBQing with him and he would be making my kids scream. Today he is missed just like he has been for the last 1125 days. That will NEVER change. It's still just so unreal. Happy Birthday Paul. I love you. 

That day. August 19, 2009

"That day" is here. The day we dread each and every year. The day that ruined our lives. The day that will never be forgotten. The day my brother died. And I know that this is my photography site but it's also "my life" site and this event has impacted me in a way that will forever alter my future. Therefore, my photography and the way in which I view things has also been impacted.

Time is a funny thing. In some ways I think, how can 3 years have gone by? How can I have made it this far when I never wanted to go on. How is my daughter going to be 3 already? And in other ways, it's like it was yesterday. When people say, "well, it's already been 3 years, you should be over it by now." Oh really? To be honest.. I want to slap them. It's only been 3 years and on top of that, to set the record straight, I will never get over this and I will never move on. What makes this so hard is that so many people forget that we are grieving, they forget we are crying, they forget we are lost, they forget he is gone, and they forget that we have a piece missing that will never be filled. He is my baby brother. He is missed. He is loved and I will not let his name become a distant thought. Rather, I will live my days to honor him, to make sure his name is spoken often and for others to never forget. It's the least we can do considering he died for you and for me.

Paul had a heart of gold. He would help you in a second. He would drop what ever it was he was doing to make sure you were taken care of. When a death is labeled non-combat, many people think it wasn't as heroic at those who died in the field. That's not true. Any soldier who died while fighting for our country is a hero. When Paul's death was labeled this way, many people had all kinds of ideas as to how he was killed. I went ahead and let them think whatever it was they thought. And then I began to think about it more myself. Paul was not shot, he didn't step on an IED, he was not in a firefight. However, he was and is a hero. Because he had a heart of gold, he took over doing someone else's job and in return.. it killed him. He was a mechanic which meant working on big vehicles being hoisted in the air by chains. He stepped up, took over the job and then he went to heaven. He had been crushed when the chains snapped. My heroic little brother, gone way too soon.

He loved life. He loved having fun and he loved the people in it. His personality is missed at each gathering, at each holiday and on every weekend. The problem with our society is that people don't want you to grieve. They want you to "get better" as soon as you can so you can be the person you where before the life changing event. God put him in our life for a reason. I am blessed to have been his sister for 24 years. I'm not going to get over that. I will, however, live my life in a way that others will remember him. If I can be happy camping and doing things he loved, then I feel that I am carrying him along side me. I will speak his name and I will talk of him often. That is how special he was to me. There will be no more photos and no more new memories created with him. I cling to what I have and talk about the past because it makes me feel as though he is in present.

So on this 3 years. We honor him. We live in a way that would make him proud. We never forget and we continue to go day by day as a family. As he would say... We need to soldier up. I will never leave him behind but rather walk with him side by side until the day we meet again.

Sgt Paul Dumont Jr. 

Sept 19, 1985 - Aug 19, 2009

Loving son, brother, husband, uncle and friend to many 

2 Tim 4:6-8 NIV For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time for my departure is near. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.